Catching my Breath

....Or at least barely. The past 2 weeks have been INSANE! But that can wait.

HOLY CROW! Madd-I can't believe how terrible your week was. I thought I was having a really bad day until I read your post, and then I reevaluated.

In truth, I think I have gone to 5 or 6 of my FHE activities this whole year. But I also have work on Monday nights. If you were my mom, I would totally be there all the time! That gym sounds so icky! And what terrible service-not even calling about your wallet. Buttheads. Your roomies sound like buttheads too.

So, I couldn't access your blog, but I was absolutely shocked when you said there was a warrant out for your arrest. If they have a warrant out for your arrest, I wonder what's coming my way. Like haven't they figured out that you are like 4.7 GPA, super involved, service oriented, gal, intent on changing the world(legally of course). It sounds like there are lot of buttheads in this world. By the way, can I just say, if Valene was a boy, I'd give 'him' a good kick in the pants. It sounds as if she needs some occupation, and some karma. Who does that? Honestly, how can you live with yourself when you treat people like that? She must have a rather tumultous environment inside her. If you felt good about it though, hang in there. Maybe she'll crack, and not be such a poohead. (I think I need to get some new insult adjectives). By the way, that picture of you is lovely Madd.

So....my week? Hhhhm. Where to begin.

-Well, so Rae is taking me back to Mesa for a few days, cuz I have been really homesick, and still not feeling like I am in the right place, and there is no place for me right now. Technically I love it here-but not fully. It always took a lot to hold me down, and I've always been excited about life and felt right. But right now I feel like my life is on hold, even when I feel as if I am doing all I can do. I feel like I am not allowed to get attached, because there is nothing for me here. And I think I figured out why now. Really hard to explain. Anywho. I almost didn't get to go, because in the performing arts program here, you have to contribute 30 hours of service a semester to graduate. As in Mandatory. Doesn't that seem like a little over the top? Like, "Oh, I can just not work for 30 hours the next couple of weeks, and starve and not pay bills." So yeah my service hours this semester are for the dance concert. Which also falls right on top of spring break. (why would they do that? No one will be here to see it) So I was required to work it. So P.O.ed. I had to ditch practice, work, and almost my spring break. But I got out of it; Yay for sucking up! The dance concert was INCREDIBLE! wow. I will post something if possible.

Well, because of this, I have been pulling 17-18 hour days at school, and I have had to choreograph, for people who can't dance. (I am stunned. That is all I can say). Anyhow. So working the dance concert was actually really fun, except for one development. A new stalker. Perhaps I am being a little dramatic. I mean he is nowhere near as bad as Antonio. But still, it's ridiculous. I think it's like taking my turn or something, after having 3 and 1/2 amazing years with Brad. I have been having the worst time with guys up here and normality. So maybe he doesn't qualify as a stalker, but he's pretty darn close, and I wouldn't be suprised if he has been googling me. (I googled myself to see if this would show up-hopefully I can talk freely)

It all started with me running into this techie underneath the stage. There was an introduction after the 4 or 5th time, and then he started trying to hang out with me and my friend Mikala (in the picture with me). At first I thought he just wanted to be friends. That's cool right? Wrong...because that's not what he wanted. He starts coming down everytime he can get away from teching, and finds us. But he has never said a word to Mikala. He ignored her completely and talked only to me. Not a good way to win my favor-don't really like guys that treat my friends like crap. After a few days of this, I am starting to get the feeling he has a thing for me, and what do you know, he asks me out for coffee. Sure I say, because I'm stupid, and feel like I should be nice. Besides going out for coffee is pretty casual. Friends do that all the time. Well that was like a green light for him. He asked on Wednesday, and we went on Saturday. So every night from then on, he was tailing me, and trying to impress me with his snobbery, still ignoring Mikala, and getting this aggravated look on his face if I talked to anyone else. And one of my dance friends heard him talking to the other techies about how cute I was and how he wanted to ask me out and stuff. Dumb boy. So it was getting bad enough that the dancers were taking pity on me and asking me to help them in the girls dressing room, when they really had nothing for me to do. They're so nice. He just walked back and forth, waiting for me to come out, so I tried to find reasons to be in there for extended periods.

Going out on Saturday- we went to this novelty coffee shop called the grind, and I got my hot chocolate, and he got his coffee, and we talked. Which overall was okay, except when he got arrogant. But he kept trying to set up more dates. So not. Then we went to this record store run by hippies. By this point I was long done, the spirit wasn't present, and I just wanted to go home. But I wasn't going to let him know where I live. He already asked and I was like 'over there'. (who does that?) So after the longest 2 hours of my life, I finally got free, and hope to avoid him until I get a boyfriend, or a tazer. Why do I have such frikin' bad luck with boys? Aaaaargh!!!!

In truth, he was a nice boy, but I am not interested and have a hard time being rude to guys. It's kinda against my policies, so avoidance is my best tool. Wish me luck.
So yesterday was like one of the worst days I've had this year. I am so so stressed this week, and have so many deadlines, and it was like the day just crumbled. I called my mom, cried, had a job interview for a summer job that I am starting to get apprehensive about, running out of cash, and freaking about choreography, midterms, future money, etc.... I also did something really rude on accident and hurt someone's feelings really bad. Felt like a word I can't say. That's why I was crying mainly. I felt terrible.

And then today came, and the sun is shining, the HOPE altos made my day, and I've been getting free food all over campus, which is convenient since I didn't bring food today. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, and I am so thankful there is a God, and he loves me more than I deserve. I love you all crazy much, and miss you.

All my love

Beaky